MIND

It’s Been A While

I read a lot. At least, compared to 5 years ago, I read a lot. But lately, the kind of reading I’m doing is something that I haven’t done in quite some time. You see, I recently enrolled in college courses for the first time in a dozen years. That means that I now have to read in a completely different way than I typically read.

Most of the time, I read in one of two ways: 1.) I read a book to get the overall idea or concepts presented in the book. Most of the books I read really have one central theme that is then expounded on over the course of a few hundred pages. If I get the big picture and grasp some of the logic along the way, that’s good enough. 2.) My other form of reading is bible study, which is much more interpretive in nature. Some of the most profound moments when studying biblical passages come not from the words themselves, but from reading the reference materials that help put that passage into context historically and linguistically. (Mind you, it’s not that the passages themselves aren’t profound, but that my own ignorance of the culture and language keep me from fully grasping the profundity without some professional help.)

The point is this: I read for big picture ideas or I go a treasure hunt. Rarely, however, am I called upon to read in the way that most educational curriculum requires. You see, along with formal education comes exams and along with exams, typically, comes at least some memorization. You have to memorize terminology, dates, names of important figures, etc.

The trouble is, I’m not very good at memorizing things. It’s just not in my gift mix. I don’t remember details very well. And so, I find myself flipping back and forth in the book as I read, just trying to keep everything straight in my brain by reminding myself what it was that I read just moments ago. It slows me down, makes reading much more tedious and, in all likelihood, is why I took a hiatus from serious reading for several years after college.

Indeed, it has been a while since I had to read like this. The difference, I guess, is that now I can appreciate the benefits of this kind of reading and I have developed at least some capacity to “suck it up” and do what needs to be done. And honestly, even though it’s tiring, I’m actually enjoying it!

Runaway Brain

Ever have one of those nights when your brain refuses to shut down? (Now that I’ve got that old Soul Asylum song, “Runaway Train” stuck in my head, my night may have just gotten even longer.) I have them often. My runaway brain nights are typically A.) when I am thinking about the past, B.) when I am dreaming about the future, or C.) when a creative writing or songwriting bug hits and I can’t shake it. Tonight, it’s kind of all three.

As I sit here about to embark on some new adventures in my life, I can’t help but think through all of the details and all of the possibilities that come with each new thing. What will come of this initial trip to Kenya? How is the first course of my new college career going to go? How in the world are we ever going to pay for this new adoption? What about Lucy’s adoption? (I must admit, there is still a lot of anxiety in that one and there will be until the day it’s finalized.)

And yet, even as I look forward, I’m also looking back. At the encouragement of a friend, I am writing out the complete story of how Melody and I got to where we are now. I will be posting it in a series of blog posts on our new adoption blog. And, what reflection I’ve done up to this point (I’m up to 2001) has brought back a flood of incredible memories and set my mind to wondering about some of the people we encountered along the way.

All of this, the looking forward and looking back (and now I have a Paul Abdul song in my head…great) has spawned a little creative monster in me. He creeps up now and again and REALLY doesn’t want me to sleep! But sleep I must, because I have a 14 month old who will wake up early tomorrow whether I want to sleep or not. So, I’m hoping that a little bit of writing here will calm that little monster down. Here goes:

Journeys longed for; adventures sought
Joy experienced, but pain brought forth
Forged by skilled hands, I stand alone
Unique among creation, just like everyone else

My story, not so unusual as to be remembered
Not so drab as to be left untold
Seemingly enjoyed by my Father
As he reminds me of its arc

Yet, once again, my particulars,
Not singularly spectacular,
Amass in strange ways
Which seem, somehow, to matter

Matter, at the very least
At most, perhaps, to shape
The course of another’s destiny
A story not my own

Would that one day a great he or she
Would put pen to paper and write
Not of my life or deed
But of that which by some divine plan
I have imparted